


Endings and Beginnings

by FunkyTown67_RH



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Car Accidents, Death, Drinking, Eye Contact, Eyes, Food, Heaven, Imagination, M/M, Monsters, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10513806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyTown67_RH/pseuds/FunkyTown67_RH
Summary: ABANDONED UNTIL I GET REALLY DEPRESSED AGAINDean was reckless. And stupid. He shouldn't have had so much to drink. But he did. And then he got behind the wheel like an even bigger moron and crashed the Impala. And now he and Cas are stuck somewhere that's not Heaven. In fact, it's a place Cas has never even heard of before.





	1. Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I wrote this as a one shot on a really depressed day. Queue drunk, miserable Dean. But then I looked at it again and saw potential. I apologize for the depressing and kind of dense beginning, but I promise better things are coming.
> 
> I don't really have a plan, so I'm not going to promise anything on updates. 
> 
> Come find me on tumblr: funkytown67rh

     It never worked. Nothing ever fucking worked! No one stayed. No one truly cared. He was the last priority to everyone, including himself. He didn’t even know why he continued to try. If no one cared, what was the point anyway?

    Dean tilted his head and threw back another shot. Not even alcohol really helped anymore, but it was all he knew. He motioned for the bartender to pour him another shot. She gave him a worried look, but complied. Dean studied it for a moment and then tossed it back as well. The familiar burn coursed down his throat, but it did nothing to ease the storm swirling inside his mind.

    Cas had left. Again. All he wanted was for him to stay. He didn’t care if Cas liked Sam better or even if Cas was angry with him all the time. He could handle that. What he couldn’t handle was being shoved aside and left behind. Left alone. Again.

    Dean slammed his shot glass down on the bar. Why did everything rank above him in everyone else’s mind? First, it was Sam being born. He was younger so needed more attention. Perfectly reasonable. But then Mom had died and it was “take care of Sammy” and his father prioritizing revenge above Dean. Sam and his dad may have fought more, but still Sam was more important and needed more consideration and care. Dean could handle whatever problems he had. Dean could suck it up. Dean was older and tougher. Sam was always more expressive, so received more sympathy and consideration. And then Dean had turned 18. He could easily have left. Damn it, he wanted to . For once, he wanted to put himself first. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave Sammy and their father alone together. Dean was their only mediator and a bulwark to protect Sam from their father’s anger. So he ignored what he needed and put Sam first. As he always had and always would.

    Then Sam graduated from high school. Dean thought that now, finally, he could go his own way and stop letting John run his life. This was what he had been waiting for! But Sam was escaping. Sam was going to college. Sam had gotten out. And John had been so hurt. So angry and confused. Dean couldn’t leave him like that. However much the man made his life hell, he was Dean’s father and family came first. Slowly, he realized that there had only ever been one ticket out and that he’d willingly given it to his brother. So Dean stayed and learned to accept his life. No one seeing or caring how much he was hurting. Sometimes he was given a concerned glance and an “Are you okay?” but he’d just smile and claim that he perfectly fine. They’d smile, reassured, and go on their way. Sometimes Dean wished he wasn’t so good at pretending. Or that someone would actually be able to see through him and do something about it.

    And he thought that had been Cas. The angel saw right through him, always had. Dean took comfort just in having Cas near him. But then Cas left. Again and again and again. Cas had priorities above Dean. It was only right. Of course Heaven ranked above Dean. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. Dean had harbored a secret hope that for once he’d be someone’s first priority. That he’d be cared for as much as he had cared for so many others.

    Dean motioned for yet another shot, but the bartender shook her head and refused. Dean scowled. He yanked on his leather jacket while stumbling for the doorway. He ripped open the door and nearly fell outside into the rain. Of course it was raining. Dean fumbled with the keys. But eventually managed to open his baby and drop into the driver’s seat. A small voice in the back of his head told him that he shouldn’t be driving in this state of inebriation, but he ignored it completely. He was tired of being in that bar alone with his thoughts. He twisted his keys in the ignition and relaxed slightly at the familiar purr of the engine. Dean threw the Impala into reverse and began to back out into the street. A car horn blared and he slammed on the brakes.

    “Shit! Look where you’re going!” he yelled at the Jeep zipping down the road. Dean blinked hard and wiped the back of his hand over his eyes. Forcing himself to concentrate, Dean finished backing up and sped down the road. He was eager to get back to the hotel room and lose himself in unconsciousness. Seeing a red light ahead, he prepared to brake and then noticed that it was ohis right turn. He let off the gas but refused to use the brake. He could handle a wild turn. As he was spinning the wheel, the bright headlights of an eighteen wheeler flashed over his face before the sound of screeching metal and the taste of blood chased away everything else.

 

* * *

 

 

    Dean gasped in pain. Everything hurt and the world wouldn’t come into focus. He felt his eyes slip closed, but yanked them open. They slid closed again and only a massive effort of will kept them cracked open. The third time they closed, he didn’t even notice.

 

* * *

 

    Dean’s eyes flew open. The light was blinding for a moment and the world seemed to consist of a million swirling colors. He blinked hard as his eyes watered. The colors solidified into familiar objects and the light dimmed to the gentle shine of a sunset. Dean became aware that he was lying on his back, shirt soaked by damp grass below him. He faintly remembered pain and fear, but the memory was hazy and seemed rather unimportant. He sat up, hands running over his body in a familiar check for injuries. He seemed to be fine.

    To his left, he saw the Impala parked in the field. Dean stood and searched the field for any sign of life. Someone must have brought him here. He certainly didn’t remember parking in a field.

    “Dean!” someone called from behind him. Dean turned and saw a nine-year-old Sam holding a box full of fireworks. “Come on! It’s dark enough, right?”

    Dean stared, unable to respond. This had to be a dream. He staggered forwards, unable to resist Sam’s enthusiasm. He was about five feet from his brother when he heard a strange pop-snap. He swivelled to the right and saw a long rectangle of light open in thin air. Yep, definitely a dream. Out of the rectangle of light jumped Cas. For a moment, the light lit Cas from behind, making it look  he was glowing. Then the rectangle closed and the two men stared at each other for a few beats.

    “What are you doing here?” Cas finally asked, his tone full of anger and a hint of pain, “Do you know what Sam is going through right now? You’re too early.” Confused, Dean turned to look at Sam, but his brother was gone along with the field and his baby. He was now standing in Bobby’s living room, surrounded by the familiar furniture and musty stacks of books.

    “Cas, what the hell are you talking about, man?” Dean honestly had no fucking clue what was happening.

    “You… you don’t know?” the anger fell off of Cas’s face.

    “Obviously not or I’d be having a more productive conversation with you right now,” he crossed his arms and leaned back.

    “Dean,” Cas started, paused, closed his eyes briefly, and continued, “You had a car crash. A bad one.”

    “Am I in a coma? Is that why this dream feels so real?” Dean questioned and stretched a hand out in front of him.

   “No, you’re dead,” the angel stared straight into his eyes, refusing to break contact. Dean froze. He took a breath and processed the words. They actually weren’t that odd for him.

    “Okay,” he said slowly, “Is Sammy trying to fix that?”

    “Right now, he’s busy drinking himself stupid and destroying property.”

    “Cas! You’ve gotta go help him. Look after him for me,” Dean insisted, easily ignoring the slight ache in his chest at the idea of sending Cas away. Sam needed him.

    “Sam will be fine. Just as your time in Hell seemed much longer than it was on Earth, so does time pass in Heaven,” Cas explained. Damn angel sounded like he was quoting the Bible. Dean frowned.

    “So…  am I being resurrected again?” Dean asked. He wasn’t sure what answer he was hoping for. That should bother him, but it really didn’t.

    “No,” Cas looked at him with sad eyes, “I’m sorry, Dean. If there was more I could…”

    “Save it, Cas,” Dean wiped a hand over his face, “I was tired. This is probably for the best.” Cas gave him a quizzical look and then a sad look passed over his face as if he suddenly understood what Dean was saying.

    “Sam will miss you,” Cas stated.

    “Eh, Sam will be fine. He’s always been better than me at letting go anyway,” Dean sat down on one of Bobby’s armchairs, “Maybe he’ll finally be able to get out of hunting without me around.” Cas walked forwards to stand in front of him.

    “Dean… Did you crash the Impala on purpose?” Cas asked, eyes completely serious.

    “What? No! I wouldn’t do that,” Dean snorted, half offended. The other half whispered that it wasn’t a completely implausible suggestion.  Cas sighed.

    “I need to go tell Sam. He’s tearing himself up about that,” Cas turned to leave. Dean stood abruptly and grabbed his arm.

    “Don’t leave again,” he blurted out. He bit the inside of his lip as Cas turned around to face him.

    “I always come back,” Cas murmured, looking at the ground.

    “I know. You do, and I get it. You’ve got important angel stuff to do. Just… sometimes I wish you weren’t an angel. That you were just Cas and I happened to meet you in a bar you were more than a little lost in and that you could just…. Stay,” Dean felt a little stupid, but he continued. Something about being dead made him feel a sense of urgency about telling Cas this. “I know that that’s selfish and that you wouldn’t be Cas without your need to run off and save the world, but I’m selfish and I’d like you to stay. Here. With me. In Heaven.”

    Cas had frozen and was staring at him with an odd blank expression on his face. Dean shifted his weight from his right to his left foot, rubbed the back of his neck, and looked at the ground. Just as he was about to open his mouth and spew some nervous concoction of words, Cas spoke.

    “Dean, look at me,” Cas demanded. Dean cringed internally, but obeyed Cas. Their eyes locked. “I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of eternity with you.” Dean felt a spark ignite in him, ready to race through his entire body, but Cas’s next words doused it with a bucket of frigid water before it got a running chance. “But I can’t. Sam and I… we’re going to be the only one’s between heaven and hell who care about humanity and not just a petty fight for power. You know this. You’ve seen it over and over again. You are mortal and destined to have an ending. I am not. I was never meant to find peace. That’s why I never stayed with you.” Dean could almost see something behind Cas’s eyes, something he’d been searching for for years without even knowing it. Before he could begin to understand it, Cas turned away and looked at the ground. He murmured to himself so silently that Dean almost didn’t catch the words even though his entire focus was straining upon the angel, “I don’t deserve an ending. I’ll never repay the world for what I’ve done to it.”

    Outraged and forgetting about himself in the moment, Dean marched up to Cas and roughly grabbed his shoulder, turning him so that they were face to face. “You don’t deserve? Cas, no one deserves anything good more than you. You’ve given up everything for humanity over and over again and I know that you’d do it again. Even when you fucked up you thought you were doing the right thing. Don’t deserve? Don’t give me that crap.” Dean was gripping both of Cas’s shoulders tightly, almost afraid to let go.

    Cas’s lips parted for a moment and then closed again. He blinked deliberately and then sighed. Looking to the ground, he replied, “Your… belief in me means a lot, Dean. I…” A great peal of thunder rumbled overhead and both men glanced at the window. In a bright flash of lightening, the scenery changed. In front of them was a lake. A very familiar lake. Images of an abandoned trench coat and Cas disappearing beneath the water filled Dean’s mind. Another roll of thunder sounded and cold rain pelted down on them. Dean watched the water permeate Cas’s coat, slowly overcoming its water resistance. He suddenly realized that his hands were still on Cas’s shoulders and that Cas was staring intently at his face.

    “Isn’t this supposed to be heaven? Why did it take me here?” Dean asked, almost shouting to overcome the sound of the rain. Cas continued to stare in silence. Dean almost removed his hands from his friend’s shoulders, but couldn’t quite make himself do it. Instead, he gently shook Cas. “Hey, buddy, are you okay?”

    “I’m fine, Dean,” he replied automatically.

    “Then tell me what the hell’s going on!” He didn’t mean to sound angry, but combined with the shouting and his frustration, he knew that was exactly how it sounded.

    “I don’t know. But I don’t think we’re in Heaven anymore.”

    

 


	2. The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas find out exactly what they are dealing with here...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..... this is different. I'm just going wild here. Exactly whatever I feel like writing at the moment. Don't worry, there is a plot. But it's straight from my crazy brain with only the most minimal filter or consideration. 
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr! funkytown67rh

    “Not… heaven?” Dean asked, a metallic taste running along the underside of his tongue. “If we’re not in heaven… we’re not in hell, are we? Or purgatory?” It didn’t feel like either of those places. But if it wasn’t… they had no idea what was out there. Or what it could do to them. Fears and possibilities chased each other through his mind.

    “No, we're somewhere completely new,” Cas said and then in a single fluid motion brought his hands up to grab Dean’s forearms and then pulled his to the ground hissing, “Down!”

    An inhuman screech pierced through the rain and rattled inside Dean’s skull. Cas winced in pain and released Dean to grip his own head. A shadow darker than that cast by the rain clouds passed over them and Cas curled himself into a tight ball. Dean crawled forwards, remaining as close to the ground as possible. He touched Cas but didn’t get a reaction. The angel was trembling and every muscle seemed to be tensed. Dean’s hand fluttered for a moment, unsure of how to help Cas. But then the screech echoed again and Cas impossibly trembled harder.

    Instinctively, he wrapped himself around Cas. He felt a shoulder relax and pulled his friend closer. At some point, the rain stopped and eventually, Cas relaxed his entire body. When his hands peeled themselves away from his wet hair, Dean breathed a sigh of relief and slid away from him. Cas sat up, eyes still shut. He placed a steadying hand on the ground.

    “That was unpleasant,” he said dryly.

    “What _was_ that? What did that thing do to you?” Dean asked, trying not to let the panic he had felt color his voice.

    Cas turned towards him, face pinched in worry. Mud was caked on the right side of his face and his clothes were completely saturated with it. He opened his eyes. Dean gasped; nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

    Cas’s eyes were fractured. Small, jagged, black lines extended from the pupils, lacing together to form a latticework covering his entire eye. The iris hidden behind the black was not the brilliant blue Dean had long ago memorized. It was a faded, almost gray, blue speckled with white that was too white and hurt Dean’s eyes if they tried to chase it.

     “I don’t know. I don’t even know where to begin guessing,” Cas said, a lost expression slipping over his face for a moment before he buried it beneath the familiar neutral mask. The mask that sometimes scared Dean.

   “Cas… your eyes, they…” Dean stumbled over the words, not even sure enough of what he was seeing to describe it. “They’re fucked up.”

    “I can see perfectly fine,” Cas stated, ignoring Dean’s frown and worried glance. He scowled harder and crossed his arms.

    “There could be something seriously wrong with you and you just brush it off like that! Not acceptable. Do they hurt? Is your mojo telling you anything? Would you like to go see your reflection in the water?” Dean waved an arm dramatically in the direction of the lake. His tone was full of disapproval and he saw how Cas hardened under it. Dean instantly regretted the way he had spoken, but there was no way he was going to admit that. So he stood hurriedly and marched towards the lake. He could feel mud drying on him and needed to rinse it off. He heard a sigh behind him and the squishy noise of Cas standing up in the mud.

    “You weren’t affected like I was?” Cas asked.

    “Not really,” Dean huffed as he waded into the lake, “I mean, it wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t…” he gestured vaguely at Cas, “anything like that.” Dean splashed a little water on his face. Cas made an odd, startled hum behind him and Dean twisted to look.

    “Stop moving!” Cas ordered. Dean froze, body still half turned towards Cas who was crouching next to the water.

    “What?” Dean barked, his annoyance heightened by stress.

    “I thought you’d be happy,” Cas snarked, “I’m doing what you asked. Looking at my eyes.”

    “And?” he breathed, hoping Cas had an answer. A simple ‘oh, that’s just my grace protecting me from outside influences’. Something that would let Dean relax and not have that familiar worry thrumming just underneath his skin.

    “I… do not know the reason for this change. Or the effects it will have on me. Usually, ocular changes are associated with possession,” Cas paused a beat and then stood. “I should leave. Who knows what I could do to you.”

     “No, no, no,” Dean splashed out of the lake and into Cas’s path, “and nope. We’re sticking together. And if you run off on me, I’ll come find you. Just like in purgatory. Okay? Stay!”

    “I am not a dog,” Cas glared at him, a glare Dean returned in equal measure. Cas was the one to break and say, “You’re not going to give in are you?”

    Dean flashed him a tight, fake smile, “You know me. Mr. Stubborn.” Cas sighed and trudged into the lake. The pit of Dean’s stomach dropped out, seeing Cas walk out into that lake again. He splashed after him, needing the reassurance of being close to him. Dean glanced down at the water soaking into his jeans. Since when had it been murky? He was sure it had been clear when he’d been rinsing off. Was there something in the water?

    “Cas…” Dean started, “I think we should get out of the lake.”

     “Just a mo-” Cas was interrupted by a wave of water crashing down around them. As they spluttered, spitting out the foul-tasting water, a creature rose up out of the center of the lake. It had large purple eyes and a long, segmented neck which was easily over ten feet long and disappeared in the water just as it began to broaden into shoulders. It seemed to have hundreds of short, thin teeth crammed alongside and in between two long, serrated fangs. It opened its mouth and a hiss crawled out of its throat as it began racing towards Dean.

    “Run!” Cas yelled. Dean didn’t hesitate for a second. They clumsily stumbled out of the lake only picking up speed once they hit solid ground. The beast roared behind them, the spray from its movements reaching them even as they broke through the tree line of a small forest. Dean spun around and jogged backward for a moment to make sure the creature would not leave the water to pursue them. He was just in time to see it’s head disappearing beneath the waves its fury had caused.

    “I’m guessing,” Dean panted, “that you’ve got no clue what that was either.” Cas shook his head and watched Dean catch his breath. “Fucking perfect,” Dean muttered. He glanced around the woods, hoping that at least they were safe there.

    “I think we should find some food. And shelter,” Cas said.

    “Buddy, I’m dead and you’re an angel. I don’t think we need that sort of stuff anymore.”

    “I don’t, but I believe you may. Whatever this place is, I don’t know if you’re necessarily dead anymore or not.”

    “Just pause right there,” Dean said, slicing his arms to either side. “I'm not even going to deal with the 'maybe not dead' thing right now. You keep saying that we’re somewhere else. You don’t where fine. But how did we get here? You had to have felt something!”

    “I did feel a… disturbance, but nothing too unusual,” Cas replied.

   “Fine. Whatever. We’re here now. Please tell me you can mojo us out or something.” The look on Cas’s face was enough for Dean to know the answer was a negative. “Of course not. Wouldn’t want to make this easy,” he grumbled.

    “Come on, Dean. Let’s get you some food. That will probably improve your mood,” Cas said and strode deeper into the woods.

    “What food, exactly?” Dean asked, wondering if he should be offended by Cas's allusion to his mood being less than pleasant. “These are mostly oak trees, not apple trees. And it’s not like we’re gonna to find some abandoned picnic basket out here.” Dean’s  mouth watered as he began imaging such a basket, complete with pecan pie and burgers. Extra burgers for Cas. And beer. That would be perfect. Maybe he wasn't dead after all if he was feeling this hungry. 

    “I’m sure I can find you…” Cas stopped so abruptly that Dean nearly ran into him, “...something.”

    “What is it, Cas?” Dean whispered.

    “Stay there,” Cas whispered. Dean let his eyes follow Cas’s gaze and found a wicker picnic basket. Cas moved forwards and Dean moved with him, ignoring his command. They both crouched next to the slightly worn and utterly innocent looking basket. Cas reached forwards a careful hand and in one decisive movement flipped open the basket. Inside were six burgers, a whole pecan pie, and four beers.

    “That’s exactly what I was hoping for!” Dean exclaimed. There was a moment of silence as Dean debated whether or not the pie was safe to eat.

    “Then I have a pretty good guess as where we are,” Cas suddenly broke the silence. Dean held his breath and waited for a beat for Cas to explain further. When he didn’t and instead continued to stare at the basket, Dean spoke up.

     “What? Or, more like, where?”

     “I haven’t heard about this place in… centuries. Even then I didn’t truly believe it existed. Gabriel was well known for fooling seraphs into believing the most ridiculous notions. He used to tell me that he had created his own private dimension where your imagination can effortlessly create anything. It must look like that lake because that’s all I could think about while we were talking,” Cas explained. Dean stared at him, wide-eyed, and then snatched a beer from the picnic basket.

     “Dean, wait! That…” Cas started, but Dean interrupted.

    “Is perfectly safe. I didn’t imagine it as poisoned. And I need alcohol in my system to process this.” He waved one hand in the air and then opened his bottle using the tree trunk next to him. He settled against the same trunk and swallowed a mouthful of beer while Cas stared at him, unblinking. “See? I’m fine.” Cas frowned in disapproval and stood up.

    “If we’re here, that’s because Gabriel brought us here. Which means he must still be alive. My best guess is that he left a piece of his grace here in case of emergency. He always did have more backup plans than anyone thought possible.” A small, fond smile passed over his face before a more serious expression took its place.

    “Why us and why now?” Dean asked, thinking of a few different possibilities and then quickly wiping his mind in case they actually came true. A sudden realization that he had probably summoned that flying thing and the lake monster with his imagination made him winced. He was the cause of the pain he had watched Cas suffer. And whatever the hell was wrong with his eyes.

    “He needs help,” Cas said in a small voice. “All of his essence must have finally made its way here. Just enough for him to reach out. But he needs another angel to…” Cas paused, probably searching for a human-friendly way to say it. Above the forest canopy, the sun must have come out from behind a cloud because Cas was suddenly standing in a pool of golden light.

    “Put all his pieces back where they belong?” Dean suggested, trying not to be too distracted by the way the light refracted off of Cas’s hair or the long, thin shadows his eyelashes cast upon his cheeks. He took a long pull from his bottle and refocused on a rather unremarkable gray rock his eyes found on the forest floor.

    “Something like that,” Cas said with a small smile.

    “So… let me see if I got this straight. If we find all the angel bits and put those bits back together to make Gabriel, we’ve got ourselves a ticket home?” Dean asked.

    “Maybe. Though I assume whether you’d go to Heaven or Earth is up to Gabriel’s mood.”

    “You’re just full of answers today,” Dean quipped, earning a glare from Cas. “At least tell me you can answer this one: how do we find the Gabriel bits?”

    “Knowing Gabriel, he would have stored his grace in the most secure location. That is where the majority of his essence will be collected. But, he will also have made the secure location look unassuming, hidden behind a trick or an illusion.”

    “The majority?” Dean asked, picking up on Cas’s evasiveness, “Where will the rest of it be?” Cas blinked at him for a moment before answering.

    “It resides in the angel that killed Gabriel.”

    “Lucifer,” Dean hissed, a million fears jumping into his mind faster than he struggled to squash them, afraid that they would become reality in this realm of imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments and if you have any requests for the story cause.... I have no firm plan. This is just relaxed fun for me. Also, feel free to point out any spelling/grammar mistakes. I don't mind. I'd appreciate it actually! :)
> 
> Tumblr: funkytown67rh

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: funkytown67rh


End file.
